ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
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*edits* ( unfortunately if you had any critiques for the Art itself I cant make those changes quite yet, BUT I will be using all of your helpful notes you gave when re drawing the final pages. The changes made here are based on the notes you gave about the caption boxes and grammer issues. Even though this wont be the final look it gives me a better idea of where to go with it when i get back to this point. I DO hope that this version is more pleasing to the eye.. and if you have anymore suggestions of even have questions, PLEASE let me know. to everyone that commented i will try and respond to you directly but for now. THANK YOU ALL!.. really! youve all been very helpful and its great to see all the feed back. Look forward to a brand new bit of teaser art for FoA in the coming week. )
This was a Test Page for "FoA: Fangs of Angels" featuring "Lani" that I had done in 2008 with
doing the color work.
I wanted to have a painty feel to the pages so they could feel sort of... cinematic.
Currently trying to teach myself to color in a softer shading style so that eventually I can capture the look I was going for myself.
If you take the time to read it all ( I know its kinda wordy ) please feel free to give me feed back. I'm sure theres probably atleast one typo in there and the page is old so style wise it might look kinda different, but tonally it's pretty much what I was going for.
hope ya dig it.
-FoO
This was a Test Page for "FoA: Fangs of Angels" featuring "Lani" that I had done in 2008 with
doing the color work.I wanted to have a painty feel to the pages so they could feel sort of... cinematic.
Currently trying to teach myself to color in a softer shading style so that eventually I can capture the look I was going for myself.
If you take the time to read it all ( I know its kinda wordy ) please feel free to give me feed back. I'm sure theres probably atleast one typo in there and the page is old so style wise it might look kinda different, but tonally it's pretty much what I was going for.
hope ya dig it.
-FoO
Image size
1800x1413px 1.55 MB
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© 2012 - 2024 FooRay
Comments32
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactI think wordy might not be the... word for it. I think the number of words is good. I just think it needs to be spread out. If it were a novel or a short story, I would say that you've got a nice quick bit of exposition and you want to get on to showing instead of telling. In comic form, though, I'd think perhaps pacing would be the issue. Show her doing something as she comes to the part about leaving and "if this is my life now," for instance. Voice-overs in movies, for example, are usually carried out during scene transitions and to either shed light on something that's just happened or set a tone (or contrast) to something that's about to happen.
If it were me, in my never-humble opinion, I'd take the last four boxes and move them to the next page, whatever that happens to be. I'd take the bottom box in the second panel, move it to the third and split it in half, with "I know some people need to make their own mistakes. My real dad taught me that much. But this wasn't my mistake." up in the upper left there, and "I'm running out of reasons to stay here." down where you've currently got that last one. Which works with that panel because she's laying there staring out at the rain. Sorta braids the visual of her lying there with the idea that she's still dressed and thus not necessarily committed to the pillow for the night yet.
That's just my nickel's worth, based on what you identified as something you're not satisfied with. The art is beautiful - I love all your stuff, honestly - and I'd like to see where this goes. If I were standing in a comic shop reading this I'd definitely be flipping pages and probably laying down some cash.